


Deep Enough to Dream

by Rhiannon87



Series: Some Sort of Crazy [9]
Category: Uncharted
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:32:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhiannon87/pseuds/Rhiannon87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not perfect and they're not okay, but maybe they'll get things right this time. Elena and Nate, just after leaving Yemen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the revised/rewritten version of the fic. The original can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/417098/chapters/693280).

It hadn’t been an especially long flight from Yemen to Italy, but as Elena followed Nate into their hotel room, she felt like climbing into bed and staying there for the next week. It had been a long, long eight days since Nate and Sully had arrived in Aden.

Probably felt even longer to Nate. He crossed the room without slowing down, just dropped his bag and flung himself face-first into the bed. “God, I’m tired,” he said into the pillows.

Elena huffed out a laugh and set her bag down on the dresser, then followed after him. He’d napped on the plane, but she knew he hadn’t really slept well; he kept jerking awake and looking around for both her and Sully before letting himself doze off again. They were both tired, and she wanted to just curl up in his arms and sleep. But… they couldn’t. Not yet.

“I know,” she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. “But—we need to talk.”

Nate grunted, but didn’t argue, just rolled over onto his back. “Yeah. I know.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “’m sorry.”

“I know.” She was starting to feel like a broken record. But she had to say something, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to lie and say ‘it’s okay.’ Elena looked down and rubbed her thumb against her wedding ring. “You never did answer my question,” she finally said. “About why you got so obsessed. Why you…” She’d been living with it for months, and he was here now, but it still hurt to say out loud. “Why you left.”

He winced and made a couple attempts at speaking, then pressed his hand to his eyes. “I got scared,” he said. “’s why I ran, why I got so fixated on Drake, I was just…” Nate swallowed hard and sighed, clearly struggling to gather his thoughts. Elena just took his free hand in hers and waited.

After a few moments, Nate lowered his hand and let out a deep breath. “Drake’s not my real name,” he said to the ceiling.

Elena blinked. She’d always doubted his claim to be Francis Drake’s descendent, but part of her had assumed he’d latched onto Sir Francis because of the shared surname. “It’s not?”

He shook his head. “Stole it. Just like the ring. Wasn’t mine.” He glanced over at her for a brief moment. “I just… wanted to be part of a better family. Better than the one I started with.”

She’d asked about his family, directly and otherwise, countless times over the years. And the only thing she’d ever learned was that he ran away when he was fourteen or so. She had a few other details, but most of those were educated guesses. Elena squeezed his hand and took a breath to ask again. “What family did you start with?”

Nate looked away again. “My mom killed herself when I was four,” he began, voice flat, like he was reciting a list instead of describing things he’d lived through. “My father left a year later. Bounced around a couple foster homes, but they didn’t work out, and eventually landed in a Catholic orphanage. That’s where I’d run away from, when I met Sully in Cartagena.”

Elena stared at him, her heart aching. She’d always known he’d had a rough start, but hearing the details of it—even broad details like this—just made it worse. “Nate…”

“Got really into history and stuff at the orphanage,” he continued, his tightened grip on her hand the only acknowledgment that he’d heard her. “And Drake was just… he’d started off with nothing, too, and went on to be this great explorer and hero.”

“Greatness from small beginnings,” Elena said softly.

He nodded. “And when I was a kid, y’know, that… being a part of his family seemed like a much better option. Follow in his footsteps, instead of…”

Instead of his parents’. So he made up a story, gave himself a family and a motto that would let him be something more than an unwanted orphan. Elena squeezed his fingers, and he cast a sideways glance at her. “I’m sorry,” Nate said. “I-I should’ve told you earlier. I just… You tell a lie for twenty years, it’s hard to stop.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “But I still should’ve told you. You should’ve known you were marrying a liar.”

“Oh, Nate.” Elena pulled her hand from his and held her arms out to him; after only a moment or two of hesitation, Nate sat up enough that she could hug him properly.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against her shoulder.

“Shh. I know.” Elena took a deep breath, let it out. “This doesn’t change anything,” she said quietly. She’d known and loved him for four years now, with all his flaws and virtues and everything in between; learning more about his past merely filled in the whys and hows. He was still the man she’d fallen in love with. “You’re more than your family, Nate,” she said. “You always have been.”

Nate just tightened his arms around her and buried his face against the side of her neck. They sat like that for a while, just holding each other, while Elena waited for him to continue. He hadn’t quite answered her question—she could take a guess or two, but she wanted to hear it from him.

Eventually, Nate sighed and drew back, wincing slightly as the movement caused one of his many injuries to flare up. “The whole thing with Drake, with living up to his name, I… I thought that’s who I was, who I had to be. The, the treasure, the adventure, that was _me_.” He sighed, his gaze softening as he searched her face. “Then you came along, and all of a sudden I had something that meant more to me than all of that.”

Elena smiled at that. _Swapped it for something better_. Nate smiled back, briefly, then looked away. “But I... I don’t know who I’m supposed to be without Drake to live up to,” he said. “So when I felt like I was losing that, I just—I panicked.”

His shoulders slumped under her hands. Elena nodded. “So you threw yourself back into it twice as hard.” And when she’d told him to give it up, he’d heard it as giving up the core of his identity. It didn’t excuse what he’d done, but at least she understood it, now. That mattered. That helped.

He nodded, looking miserable, studiously avoiding her gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I-I know I keep saying it, and I know it won’t help, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“I know, I know.”

Nate swallowed hard and glanced at her again. “I want this to work.”

“Me, too.” Elena took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “It’s gonna take time, though. I need time to… to trust you again.” Hurt flickered through his eyes, but he nodded. Elena shifted her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him closer, resting her forehead against his. “I love you, Nate,” she said, and the faintly surprised look on his face damn near broke her heart. “That alone isn’t enough to fix this, but… it’s enough to make me want to try.”

He blinked rapidly, but managed a small smile anyway. “Love you, too,” he murmured.

It had been so, so long since she’d heard that from him, and god, she’d missed it. Missed him. She tilted her head to the side and let her eyes fall shut as she kissed him, slow and thorough and desperately relieved that he’d come back alive. That he’d come back to her.

Nate kissed her back with just as much need, pulling her as close against him as they could get. They were both gasping for breath by the time they parted, though neither of them went far. “Jesus, Elena, I missed you so much,” Nate murmured, then winced. “I’m sor--”

“I know, I know you are, just--” Elena shook her head and kissed him again. Saying sorry wasn’t going to fix anything, and right now… she didn’t want to think about it. They were alive and together and for now, that was all that mattered. All the rest could wait until tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Elena didn't break the kiss as she eased Nate back to the bed. He moaned against her mouth, his hands moving over her body with something like reverence. God, she'd missed this. It had been months since they'd slept together—the sex had stopped long before he'd walked out. And the last time had been... not bad, but painful to think of. She'd stayed out after a work dinner, gotten way more drunk than she should have, came home late enough that Nate was already in bed. She'd been too drunk to remember her pride, and when she'd stumbled into bed, she'd more or less begged him for sex. And it had been good, yes, but even with his attention finally on her she couldn't shake the desperate fear that it wouldn't last. That she was losing him.

She'd been right, at least for a while. But he was here now, his hands tangled in her hair as he kissed her, and she had to believe that things would be better this time. This time, they'd make it work.

Nate slid one hand between her shoulder blades, pulling her down, and Elena settled herself on top of him. For a second, anyway-- as soon as she rested her weight on his ribs, he flinched and hissed in pain. Elena immediately pushed back, breaking off the kiss and blinking down at him. "Shit, are you okay--"

"I'm fine." Nate shook his head and reached for her again. "It's fine, really, just some bruises." Elena frowned. He'd been light on the details of his recent misadventures, but even from what little he'd told her she had a feeling he was hurt a lot more than a few bruises.

Still, she let him tug her back down to him, though she laid down halfway on the bed this time. Nate slid one hand into her hair again, cradling the back of her head as he kissed her. Elena hooked her leg over his and slipped a hand under his shirt, careful to keep her touch light. And god, she could _feel_ the bruises on his skin, raised and warm to the touch. Her fingertips slid over a pair of cuts, thin and a few inches apart, and she drew back slightly. She needed to see how bad it was, the damage he'd taken while he was away from her.

Nate chuckled and sat up when she started tugging at his shirt. His laughter turned into a pained groan as he pulled it off over his head, and Elena sucked in a sharp breath as she finally got a look at him. The bruises she'd felt were only the worst of them, purple-black layered on top of the brown and yellow-green of older, half-healed ones. The scrapes on the side of his neck and the cut across his nose were two of at least a dozen more, some only a day or two old. But the worst was the pair of gashes running diagonally across his chest, thin and shallow but _long_ , stretching from near his collarbone to just below his ribs.

Elena reached out to lightly rest a hand on his chest, fingers on either side of the cuts, and glanced up at him. Nate must have been able to read the question in her eyes, because he sighed and took her hand in his, an echo of how he'd shown her his wedding ring at the airfield. "Talbot picked a fight with me at the edge of Iram," he explained. "He had a knife. I, uh. Didn't."

"Oh, god, Nate..." She knew, in an abstract way, that she'd come close to losing him forever during his time out in the desert. But somehow having specifics made it worse.

"Hey." Nate curled his hand against her cheek, tilted her head up so he could meet her eyes. "I'm fine," he said. "Really."

She shook her head. "This isn't fine."

He sighed. "It's nothing that won't heal."

That would have to be enough, but it didn't feel like it right now. She wanted him to have never been hurt, to have never left her behind, to have never walked out-- Elena shook her head again and leaned forward to kiss him, one hand on the back of his neck, the other braced against the headboard. Nate fumbled at the buttons on her shirt, and after some frustrated yanking on clothes, Elena broke off the kiss to strip off both shirts. He slid his hands up her sides, then splayed them across her back as he leaned in to trail his mouth across her collarbone and up her neck.

If she closed her eyes and stopped thinking, kept her hands still in just the right places, then she could almost pretend this was normal. Almost. Her fingers slipped over a half-healed gash on his back, and she had to bite her tongue to choke back a sob. It shouldn't have been like this, it wasn't right, it wasn't _fair_ \-- She buried her face in his hair, her arm looped around his neck to hold him close.

She felt him sigh against her skin, and only reluctantly let him pull back. "I'm sorry," he whispered, eyes wide and helpless with guilt. "I-I'm sorry, Elena, I'm so sorry--"

Elena shook her head and kissed him hard, bearing him back down to the bed. Nate arched against her and let out a muffled groan, one that turned pained as the movement jostled yet another injury. Elena winced and pushed away from him. "Dammit, I'm sorry," she said, sitting back on her knees.

"I'm fine," Nate said and propped himself up on one elbow. But even that made him flinch, much as he tried to hide it.

Elena let her hands fall to her sides. "Maybe we shouldn't..." She didn't _want_ to stop, at all, but they couldn't seem to go two minutes without Nate getting hurt again.

"No." Nate shook his head frantically and reached for her, desperation bleeding into his voice. "Elena, it's-- it's fine, just--"

"I don't want to hurt you," she said.

"You're not," he insisted. "It's fine, I'm fine, please..."

She sighed and glanced around the bed, an idea forming. "Here," she said and leaned over to the far side of the bed, putting even more space between them. Nate made a pained sound and pawed at her hip; Elena turned back to him and brushed a quick kiss to his temple. "Trust me," she murmured. Nate quieted at that, watching as she grabbed the spare pillows and piled them up against the headboard behind him. He worked out what she was going for and scooted back to lean against them.

Elena knelt over him in a straddle once he was settled, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders. "Good?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he breathed, his fingertips brushing over her ribs. Elena raised a hand to his cheek and tilted his face up to hers as she leaned down to kiss him, tender and slow. Some of the tension went out of him, and he nuzzled at her face when they parted. Elena smiled faintly and dipped her head to trail her mouth over his throat. Not too many cuts or bruises there, at least.

This was far from their first reunion after a long time apart, though usually it was a matter of weeks, not months. And usually it was for work, not... not all of this. The last time they'd been separated for this long was when they'd broken up in the year before Nepal. But that separation had been different, somehow. She hadn't expected as much of him back then. He hadn't slipped a ring on her finger with trembling hands and promised to spend the rest of his life with her, not yet. It had been easier to forgive him when there hadn't been any vows to break.

Even with all those past reunions, this wasn't quite what she'd imagined, when she'd let herself fantasize about Nate crawling back to beg forgiveness. She hadn't imagined that when he did come back, it would be after being kidnapped and beaten and nearly dying in more ways than she wanted to think about. She hadn't imagined that they'd take things so _slow_. It was like they had to learn each other all over again, every touch bordering on cautious. Every so often, Nate would stop and just hold her, his face pressed against her shoulder or neck or hair as he took deep, slightly uneven breaths. It broke her heart all over again every time. They were both exhausted and heartsick and scared, and even though it wasn't her fault Elena still wanted to do something to fix it. To just make it stop hurting, for both of them.

As slow as they were going, eventually their kisses turned more heated, hands started moving with more intent. Elena let her head fall back as Nate trailed his mouth over her collarbone, his hands coming up to massage her breasts through her bra. She swallowed hard and raked her fingers through his hair, then gently pulled him back.

He blinked hazily at her, then frowned as she moved off of him and scooted to the edge of the bed. "Wha... What are you...?"

"I can't take off my pants while I'm sitting on you," Elena replied in something close to a reasonable tone. She kicked off her shoes and hurriedly undid the fly on her jeans. Behind her, Nate chuckled and leaned in to press a line of kisses along her shoulder and up her throat. Elena hummed and tilted her head to the side, giving him better access. "You're not helping."

"Yes I am." He slipped one bra strap off her shoulder. "See? Helping."

Elena laughed and turned her head to kiss him. She had a glimpse of the relieved look on his face before she closed her eyes, and honestly, she felt the same. They could still make each other laugh. That was a good sign.

She drew back so she could finish stripping off her pants, while Nate continued to helpfully remove her bra. Once she was down to just her underwear, she turned back to him, intending to get him out of his jeans. But Nate wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, one hand sliding up in to her hair as he kissed her deeply. After a few moments, Elena felt a tug on her hair, which was a little unexpected-- Nate liked that sort of thing more than her. He shifted his hand up, feeling around on the back of her head, and she worked out what he was trying to do. She drew back and batted his hand away, then reached back to pull the tie out of her hair, shaking her head as her hair fell down to her shoulders.

Nate smiled and reached out to twine his fingers through her hair. Elena leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, then sat back and tapped his knee. "Off."

He laughed. "So demanding."

"You're still wearing _shoes_ , Nate, c'mon."

Nate shook his head, and Elena moved out of the way so he could start dealing with the offending clothes. Normally, she'd entertain herself-- and distract him-- with her fingers and mouth on his skin, making the whole process of getting undressed take far longer than necessary. But now... He was so battered there weren't many safe places to touch. She brushed her lips against his shoulder blade, then leaned her forehead against him and loosely draped her arms around his waist.

He kicked his clothes to the floor, an occasional pained grunt escaping him as he inevitably aggravated his injuries. Elena sat up with a sigh as he turned, and she allowed him one lingering kiss before shooing him back towards the pillows. Nate raised a hand to cup the side of her face as she settled back over him, his thumb brushing against her cheek. He frowned slightly, the earlier laughter buried under guilt and pain again, and Elena reached up to wrap her fingers around his wrist. They could sit here and stare sadly at each other all night, or she could try to start dragging things back to normal. It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be fast, but god, she wanted it, wanted to be happy with him again. They'd been happy, once, before his obsession had devoured everything, and she had to believe they'd get there again because otherwise what was the point--

She moved his hand down to her hip even as she leaned in and kissed him. Nate took the hint and tugged her panties down, his hands sliding over her ass as he did so. Elena chuckled. At least some things hadn't changed. A faint smirk crossed his face as his hands returned to her hips, and he dipped his head to trail his mouth over her breasts. Elena let her eyes fall shut, her breathing going ragged, and she twisted her fingers into his hair.

It was familiar, all of it, both of them falling back into rhythms learned over years together. He knew the right moment to slip his hand between her legs, making her shudder and moan against his mouth. And she knew when his muffled groans and shaky breaths meant she should push his hand away and sink down onto him. Nate wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close against him, his face pressed to the side of her neck as he panted for breath. Elena just closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths of her own. It had been so long, and she'd missed him so much, and she'd been so scared he'd never come back--

She brought her hands to his face, moving him back just enough so that she could kiss him, hard and desperate. Nate kissed her back with just as much need, his hands trembling as they slid across her back. "I'm here," he murmured, holding her gaze. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I'm sorry..."

Elena nodded, not quite able to get words of her own out, and leaned in to kiss him again. Gentler, this time, and she rolled her hips against him, groaning at the feeling. He moved with her, one hand tangled in her hair, with warm, unsteady breaths filling the space between them. His other arm settled around her waist, and this time she was the one to lean into him, to hide her face against his shoulder. There were so many things she wanted to say— _I missed you, stay with me, please just stay with me this time._

But Nate turned his head and pressed his lips to her temple with a shaky sigh. "Love you," he murmured.

She swallowed hard and sat up so she could meet his eyes. "Love you, too."

He drew her in and kissed her, even as he unwound his arm around her waist. His hand slipped between them, fingers working over her, and Elena groaned, her rhythm stuttering out as she ground against him. Nate moved his other hand to cradle the side of her face, watching her as he brought her closer to the edge. She let her eyes fall shut, the worry and fear and heartache all pushed out to the edges of her mind, at least for the moment. Nate trailed his lips along her jaw, his breath hot on her skin, and she shuddered, her hand tightening in his hair.

"Oh, god, Nate--" Elena cut herself with a gasp, and Nate kissed her hard as she came, pulling her close to him. She broke off the kiss first, panting for breath, and Nate immediately dropped his head to her shoulder, his arms tight around her waist as he rocked against her. Elena raked her fingers through his hair, her eyes still closed, and she dipped her head to kiss his neck. He let out a strangled moan, and before long he followed her over the edge.

Neither of them made any effort to move away from each other. Elena absently stroked Nate's hair while she tried to catch her breath, her own heartbeat pounding loud in her ears. After a few minutes, Nate sighed and raised his head, pressing a weary kiss to her cheek before sliding his hands to her waist to move her off of him. She let out a sigh of her own and flopped over onto the bed, reaching over to grab one of the pillows from behind Nate.

Nate followed suit, though more slowly, wincing as he settled down on his side. Elena traced her fingers just above a gash on his bicep and sighed. It was going to take a long time for all of this to heal.

He reached up for her hand, bringing it instead to his lips so he could press a kiss to her fingers. Elena smiled and brushed her fingertips against his jaw before letting her hand fall to the side of his neck. Nate searched her face, then sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry."

"I know." She shook her head. "I know, Nate." Sorry wasn't enough, and they both knew it. She needed time—a lot of time—to even start to be able to forgive him for what he'd done. And nothing was going to be totally fixed tonight.

This was a start, though. This helped. Elena leaned in and kissed him, chuckling when he let out a small, startled noise. He smiled back, briefly, then sighed again and started tugging at the blankets. "Need to sleep."

"Yeah. Me too." Elena looked up at the ceiling light. "Ugh. I should get that."

Nate just grumbled in what sounded like agreement as he slowly and stiffly crawled under the blankets. Elena climbed out of bed on unsteady legs and picked her way across the room, checking to make sure the door was locked before flicking off the light. It felt a little strange to be coming to bed with Nate already there. For months, she'd been sleeping alone, and before that, she'd gone to bed hours before him. But he was here now. He wanted another chance, and she'd give it to him, because for all the heartbreak he'd put her through, when things had been good, he'd made her happier than anyone else in the world.

He reached for her as she slipped beneath the sheets, and she scooted closer, carefully wrapping an arm around him. Nate let out a heavy, shaky breath and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you," he said again.

Twice in the span of ten minutes. Elena wasn't sure he'd said those words so frequently since their wedding day. He'd always struggled with it, she knew that, and she knew he'd tried to show his love in other ways. But maybe that would be another change. Maybe it'd get easier for him. Maybe this whole marriage thing would get easier for them both.

Elena tightened her arm around him briefly. "Love you, too, Nate," she murmured. "Now go to sleep."

He huffed out a laugh. "Okay."


End file.
